it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
