you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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