Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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