hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
God I need to hump something, right now.
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