We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
