so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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