Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We left the knife in your bed.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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