dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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