Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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