Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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