did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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