Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
