you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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