Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
