google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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