you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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