Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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