sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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