She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
