He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
