You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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