kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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