my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
