were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
