return my video game
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
