is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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