We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
