I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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