If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We're too hungover to prance.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
