Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So vagazzling was a success
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
