the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
