Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
