If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
