Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
