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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.

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• (631): View more from New York

  saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.

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• (818): View more from California

  They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"

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• (212): View more from New York

  I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno

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• (323): View more from California

  Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.

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• (415): View more from California

  Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...

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• (516): View more from New York

  Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.

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