I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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