I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
