i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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