i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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