using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
