I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
