I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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