Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
