MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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