totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
