Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sext me about skeletons
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
