I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
