i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize