I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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