so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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