I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
as a side note pls kill me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
