i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
