Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
