I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize