she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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