FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
