Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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