Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
two words...techno handjob
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Randomize
