I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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