Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
