I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
