Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
