Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
