It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just had sex on a roof
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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